How to Break Free from the All-or-Nothing Mindset Around Food
Struggling with food guilt and perfectionism? Learn how to break the all-or-nothing mindset and build a balanced approach to nutrition.
I used to think certain foods were “bad” or “unhealthy.” More often than not, those same foods were the ones I wanted most—cookies, chips, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, chocolate… the list goes on! What’s worse is that when I did finally eat them, I never felt a sense of satisfaction. Or, if I did, that satisfaction immediately faded to extreme guilt and shame.
I’d have thoughts like:
If I didn’t eat this food, I wouldn’t have cellulite!
If I had better self-control, I wouldn’t even crave this food!
If I were in the body I want, I would feel good eating anything!
Well, I’ve got some good and bad news here: The above thoughts and feelings aren’t productive, nor are they based in reality (or science!). Sometimes, the foods we crave most are the ones we are avoiding. This “all-or-nothing” and perfectionist mindset around food creates a cycle of restriction and bingeing (see my note on this at the end). But the good news is that being “healthy” doesn’t have to mean cutting out certain foods or sticking to an ultra-clean diet.
What is the “all-or-nothing” mindset around food?
If you’ve ever kicked off the new year with the goal of eating perfectly clean, working out every day, getting eight hours of sleep, and meditating regularly, you probably felt unstoppable—for a little while. But then life happened. Maybe you had a stressful week, skipped a few workouts, or grabbed takeout instead of cooking. Suddenly, it felt like you had 'failed,' so instead of adjusting and continuing, you threw in the towel completely. 'I already messed up, so what’s the point?' you think. Weeks or months later, when motivation strikes again, you double down—setting even stricter rules and vowing to 'be good' this time, only to repeat the same cycle.
That’s the “all-or-nothing” mindset.
When it comes to food, it can feel like you’re doing the right thing by cutting out foods, diligently tracking calories, and maybe increasing your protein. But if this approach falls by the wayside every time life happens, making it difficult to stick with, it’s probably not the right approach for you. What’s more, this mindset is harmful because it leads to guilt, restriction-binge cycles, and stress around eating. I don’t know about you, but having “Never Ate Cake With Joy” written on my tombstone really isn’t the win I want in this life. I want to feel nourished by all foods, with an emphasis on balance. Shifting away from this mindset is possible with practice.
Why You Fall Into the All-or-Nothing Trap
Diet culture is everywhere, telling us to try the latest diet fad, cut out the newest “bad” food, and change our bodies to achieve the look of the moment. In essence, it directs our focus to the extremes with our eating and lifestyle practices.
Although the way we consume information is new and has rapidly changed with the dawn of social media, diet culture has been around for a while. Below are some of the more troubling diet practices of the past:
Arsenic pills were once sold to promote weight loss via poisoning (late 19th century).
The vinegar diet, which caused diarrhea and vomiting, was made famous by Lord Byron (early 1800’s).
Parasitic worms were consumed to prevent nutrient absorption, thus causing weight loss (early 20th century).
The cigarette diet was intended to suppress appetite and reduce cravings for sweets (early 20th century).
These practices cause long-term health problems and never resolve the all-or-nothing mindset around food. Extreme approaches lead to extreme swings, making “falling off track” inevitable. But why did these diets come about?
There are a few theories. The main one, however, is that what was once considered a sign of nobility and abundance became a symbol of gluttony and moral depravity (sounds dramatic, right?). However, with technological advancements in growing techniques came easy access to food, and thus, the obesity epidemic was born just a few decades later. As more evidence pointed to obesity-related mortality, restrictive diets were recommended to counteract excess body weight.
The psychological toll of rigid thinking around food cannot be understated. Feelings of guilt and shame when rigidity is lost fuel the binge-restrict cycle. Over time, the impact on long-term nutrition habits and emotional well-being leads to disordered eating and body dissatisfaction. This might make you feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending failure wheel, trapped in your extremes.
Recognizing All-or-Nothing Thinking
As Brené Brown famously said: “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” According to Dr. Lara Pence, a clinical psychologist who works with athletes, “When you water shame with words, the shame stops growing.” This means that shame, if left unnoticed or unidentified, can hide in the shadows and cause chaos. That is, of course, unless you can recognize it.
Shame plays into the all-or-nothing mindset because it is a judgment of the self that comes about from our perceived failures. Common signs of the all-or-nothing mindset include labeling foods as “good” or “bad,” feeling like one “off-track” meal ruins everything, and spiraling between extremes. But this level of perfectionism might be preventing you from building trust in your hunger cues, enjoying foods, and learning how to nourish your body from a variety of foods (not just the ones labeled as “healthy”).
5 signs you have an all-or-nothing mindset:
You feel like one “bad” meal ruins your whole day of “good” eating.
You restart your diet in cyclical periods.
You eat in extremes: “clean” or go all out on junk food.
You avoid or fear social events because you can’t control the food.
You feel guilty after eating something “off-plan.”
How to Build a Balanced Nutrition Mindset
Extremes are what you’ve been programmed to understand. However, what has been learned can be unlearned, too. Think of this shift in thinking like learning a new language. With time, practice, and skill, you’ll be speaking the language of balance in no time!
While it’s true that some foods are more nourishing and nutrient-dense than others, we can’t say other foods are then “bad.” For example, kale has some nutrients that cookies do not, but that doesn’t mean we should exclude cookies from the diet. The same goes for sweets and treats: Don’t eat a bowl of candy for breakfast but do enjoy it as part of a balanced day of eating. If the phrase “all food belongs” resonates with you, maybe that’s a great saying to keep in your back pocket when the all-or-nothing mindset creeps in.
💡Try this: The next time you feel the Shame Monster creep in around food, say out loud “All food belongs in my balanced diet. I am not a failure for enjoying this food.”
It takes time to build trust with your body and its signals, which is also why tuning into your hunger cues can help. I’m not the biggest preacher of intuitive eating, but I do think you can find balance by refamiliarizing yourself with your hunger. Checking in with your hunger before, during, and after meals, slowing down at mealtimes to savor each bite, and noticing when you’re satisfied is a great place to start. You’re not broken if these signals feel like they’re not happening—you just need some time to adjust.
Flexibility in eating means making choices that align with both your needs and your enjoyment—without guilt or rigid rules. Instead of viewing food through an all-or-nothing lens, think about how different foods serve you in different ways. Some meals might be more nutrient-dense, while others are purely for pleasure, and both have a place in a balanced diet. If you’re at a restaurant with limited “healthy” options, flexibility means choosing something that satisfies you rather than stressing over the “perfect” choice. It’s about zooming out—what you eat most of the time matters more than any single meal. Giving yourself permission to eat with flexibility takes practice, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes to trust yourself around food.
Here’s how to get started:
Ditch the Good vs. Bad Food Labels: Food is food. Once meal does not define you. Focus on nourishment, not perfection.
Practice the 80/20 Approach: Most meals nourish you, but there’s room for fun foods, too. After all, eating enough is also important! If you go out and feel overwhelmed by the lack of “healthy” choices, what’s the next best thing?
Listen to Hunger & Fullness Cues: Hunger is a signal, not a problem.
Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy Food: Food is meant to be enjoyed!
Stop Trying to Be Perfect, And Aim for Compassion: Consistency beats perfection every time.
Small Shifts Lead to Big Changes
The all-or-nothing mindset isn’t serving you. Instead, small, sustainable changes create long-term success. However, breaking free from this mindset is a process, not an overnight fix. Remember: progress, not perfection, is the goal.
Note: Overeating is something we all do on occasion. However, binge eating disorder (BED) is a medical condition that can significantly affect one’s mental and physical health. Click here for resources and to find a provider who can help.
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